TFSMIF

My first date with Chris was 6 weeks ago today. It's been strange...in that I really never thought I'd have more than a random date here or there with someone...or even let myself do that. And yet here I am, enjoying his company, whether we're alone or with friends, and watching him when he sleeps, and missing him when he's absent, even if he just left 5 minutes ago. I've been going along with this day by day with Chris, and it still is very new and green with him. But I'm starting to realize that I'm onto something here. I'm letting my guard down, and not meter my words, or wonder what thoughts I should share, more than I ever have in the past...it's exciting. In many ways, this feels like my first mature relationship. That may be a strange thing to say given my track record, but this time, we're both going into this with no expectations or preconceived notions of how it should be. And I think that makes all the difference. With Chris, I really feel like I've met someone who respects me for who I am. I don't think I've truly had that before. I can sit with him and and watch some of the most embarassing stuff I put onto my dvr, and he doesn't protest. I can stand there and brood while making dinner after a long day, and he doesn't wig out because there's suddenly a moment of silence. He just grabs a book and lets me be. He actually seems like he might get me. Wow. I'm stoked.

A Few Things

A few random things popped up in the last couple of days, so I'll just roll them all into one post...

- I normally don't shill for other blogs, but Leftover Beef is back in print. Yay!

- Ahem. WHY??? It's like asking someone to throw rocks at you. If it was a Bug, maybe.

- And, it's getting rather hard to deny the evidence for Climate Change that keeps piling up. Darn those pesky facts.

Today

Today, I'm choosing to be happy. One of the things that has taken me a long time to understand is that ultimately, we choose who we are at any given moment. This simple idea has been expressed in many different ways via sayings and maxims that we've all heard umpteen times. But usually, the simplest lessons are the hardest ones to learn. There's a lot of things I could be stressed over at the moment, but as long as I'm doing what I can about them...why worry over them any more than that? I used to spend days agonizing over crap that I had no control over. Maybe it comes from maturity, or finally listening to the advice that I've been seeking and hearing over so many years. But in the past few years, I've noticed a real change in how I handle stressful stimuli and how I let them affect me. Which is to say, not much. And it really pisses people off whose sole purpose was to get under your skin and ruin your day.

Best Made Plans

Dinner went really well last night, had a good time with everyone, and Phineas loved the train set. Sometimes the best plans are ones you throw together at the last minute.
The gas grill naturally decided to run out of gas right as I was throwing a couple of extra burgers on it, so I had to fire up plan B - luckily I still had some charcoal to use. But there was plenty of food to go around, got to introduce Chris to some old friends, and everyone left with a full belly. Good times.

Impromptu

Having a few peeps over for dinner tonight. I'll get to share some decent leftovers from the weekend, and get together with a few friends I haven't seen in a while. And that one guy will be there. I think there's enough food to go around...if not, I have a stash of cookies on standby.

Summer Fun

The weekend was very fun....saw all kinds of people at the party, I didn't know 85% of them, but that's not a bad thing. The weather held, we had more than enough food to go round, nobody passed out or got into a fight...what more could you want?
I got to spend a lot of time hanging with the nephews, and tried getting George to teach me some charm lessons to no avail. but did learn his uber-cool secret handshake. How many 3 year olds have one of those? Honestly.
Upon returning to the cowlands, Chris and I saw that The Kids Are All Right had finally opened in town, so we ran to see that. Excellent film, with great performances and writing. If you want to see a summer film that relies on script instead of explosions or aliens, this is a good candidate. And keep some napkins from the popcorn handy.

Nothing Ventured

This past month has been completely out of left field. I've gone on about it on here, so subscribers know the details. I'm pretty sure I didn't hear anybody tell me in the month of May "I know right now you're going along, doing your own thing. And it's fun, and you're enjoying yourself quite a bit. But you're about to meet someone who is going to change your perspective on a lot of things, and challenge your expectations of people. And here's the best part: he won't want to change you. He'll appreciate you for who you are, warts and all. Be ready, and don't miss it when he comes along."

I wasn't expecting to meet someone who I would start thinking I wanted to pursue something serious with. But here I am. And it's amazing.

Another quote has been kicking around in my head since last night, from Richard Bach "All the people, all the events in your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose do do with them is up to you." It seems to fit almost perfectly with what I've been feeling the past several days. but this time I think I'm approaching it differently. I'm keeping myself grounded, and not letting my emotions get ahead of me. It feels good, it feels right. Wish me luck.

Dinner and a Movie

Chris invited me over for dinner last night at his place. He made pasta with a tomato garlic sauce and ground turkey mixed in - anyone who knows me will say that the way to my heart is paved with pasta and edged with garlic bread. We then spent the evening taking a walk, going to DQ, and then back home to look through some old family photos and memories...rounding it off with a movie before turning in. Just about perfect. Who says weekday evenings are too short to do anything fun?

Tonight I will be playing the role of Mrs. Fields on a meth binge...about 100 cookies to bake for the party on saturday. I've got about 70 pre made that just need to be tossed in the oven. The remainder I was going to whip up from scratch, but I think time constraints mean I'll be snagging some Toll House dough on the way home.

The Longest Day

Left for work at 7am yesterday, didn't get home until a few clicks before midnight. Ack. Luckily I'm hourly, so this will help defray the costs of my recent trip. I did get an idea while on the road last night to help people doing these long assignments in strange locales...I'm going to run it past a few people to get a little feedback before presenting it.

This weekend is Lindsay and Josh's shower/BBQ. I think the word "Hootenanny" should always be used in conjunction with outdoor events. This is why I seldom get invited back to garden parties.

I've been trying to be more social lately, which for me is unusual...I generally find people tiring after a while (The "I" in all those Myers-Briggs tests expressing itself). But it is fun to step out of your shell now and again and look at life from different angles; become more than the sum of your personality tests, I guess. It reminds me of a quote from a book by Richard Bach:

You are led through your lifetime by the inner learning creature, the playful spiritual being that is your real self. Don't turn away from possible futures before you're certain you don't have anything to learn from them. You're always free to change your mind and choose a different future, or a different past.

Or if you're a Seinfeld fan, just call it "Opposite George". I suppose the sentiment is the same.

Interesting

Chris stopped over Friday night after work. We met up with a few friends to grab dinner and a movie (Inception...go see it) We hadn't seen each other since I'd left for Seattle, and spent the weekend together again. This is getting to be a habit. It's exciting to be with someone who shares a lot of mutual interests, is intellectually stimulating to talk with and fun to be around. I like where this is going.
He asked to make dinner for me this week...I'd better remember my table manners.

Weeknight Road Trip

I decided to break up my routine and go visit friends in Coshocton last night after work. I got there just in time for dinner, then a few drinks and a few tales of my sordid past for those who hadn't yet been indoctrinated. I could write a book, seriously. Well, maybe a pamphlet.
In less shameful developments, Jennifer's son Jack and I busied ourselves with his Star Wars figurines. I think he was surprised to find an old man who actually knew the names of the characters. It's funny to see your childhood memories living on through the eyes of a different child.
And after a long hiatus, I'll get to see my recent obsession again tonight. I can't wait.

Timing

Back to work on Wednesday...the gods of bad timing sent Chris out of town this afternoon on a week long business trip, so won't get to see him until Friday. I'm getting more used to the idea of letting someone into my life - I had more or less written off the entire dating thing, and then suddenly here I am. It's still in that initial phase, when you don't ever fart or eat 3 day old donuts in front of them, so everything is very green and tentative feeling. But he hasn't run off screaming into the night yet, so that's a good sign. We'll see where this all leads. Fingers crossed.

And we're back

Just had the most relaxing vacation of my life...God, where to start?
I got into Seattle late Wednesday afternoon...Mitch met me and another friend of his who came in from Tampa. We went for a few drinks that night, checking out some of the local bars...so many tasty microbrews to be had...yummy. On Thursday we got an early start and went to explore the city. We started off at the Pike Place Market...think of Columbus' North Market multiplied by a factor of ten - very cool. A proper fish and chips was lunch, and then we spent the afternoon visiting the Seattle Art Museum, which had an Andy Warhol exhibit and a really extensive one about Kurt Cobain...very cool, check it out if you're in the area before September. Then an evening at the beach before heading home. On Friday, Mitch, Jeff and I packed up the car and left to go camping up here, which was just incredible...off in the Cascades in the Mt. Baker-Snoqualmie National Forest. I'd never really explored this area until now...it's really hard to describe how beautiful this area is. Many times I'd get choked up walking in the woods, just struck by the sheer beauty of it. And no, I wasn't drunk :) Please visit the Northwest before you die.
The campground is great, some really nice people there...I mentioned to Mitch I'd met more nice people there in the first 3 hours than I'd met in a year in Columbus. Definitely going back. A hard part for me was being cut off, as there's no cell service anywhere near the campground - we'd hoped to get out to dinner Saturday night to a restaurant up the road so we could make a few calls, but we decided not to...besides, we'd lost our signals on the way in long before reaching that place. In modern life it's so uncommon to be out of touch with people who aren't physically there, so it takes a little adjustment to going without the electric security blanket in your pocket. We're so spoiled nowadays.
On Sunday we broke camp and headed back to Seattle for a night on the town for Mitch's 24th birthday. Or 18th anniversary of his 24th...something like that. Very fun evening of dancing and enjoying $2 drafts, and basically terrorizing anyone who got within 10 feet of us....just like the old days. Then a hurried morning scamper to the airport and back home today...er, yesterday.
I can't remember a vacation that was more soothing than this one....with everything that's gone on in the past several months, I've never really had a break or a getaway. This definitely was the perfect prescription.

Wow

Had a seriously fun time this weekend...met up with Mindy for White Trash and Boom friday night, saturday was just spent relaxing and cooking out with Chris...sunday, went to Doo Dah with Chris and met up with several friends where we drank embarrassing amounts of pink lemonade/vodka drinks...good times. Today, Chris and I went hiking out in Clifton Gorge, with lunch in YS and stopping off for the mandatory Young's Dairy ice cream on the way home. Better times.
We weren't planning on it, but Chris and I essentially spent the weekend together.
Thanks to my underachieving sense of self confidence, I'm sitting here now quietly amazed that I wasn't boring him to tears...I guess if I was, he wouldn't have been hanging around. It is something that I'm always having to work on when I'm with new people...I'm anxious about a situation or an activity going well. My mind goes into a sort of self-perpetuating cycle of worrying about whether I have anything interesting to say or contribute, and then trying to pick something to say...then 20 minutes on I realize I've been sitting there doing this silently, and...well, fuck, say something, stupid...okay, um...let me think about what to say. I feel like I can spend entire afternoons doing this. I just need to relax sometimes and enjoy moments for what they are.

A Little Time

Finally a little break is on the horizon. Off all next week, and part of the one after. My old buddy Mitch (he'll hate that, turning 40 and all) offered me use of a free ticket earned thru his accumulated travel miles, so I'm making a trek to Seattle for a few days. 2 days of camping in the Cascades, with the rest spent exploring the Seattle area. Not a lot on the agenda, which is just how I like my vacations. I'm anticipating days spent drinking coffee, eating seafood, and making fun of Seattle hipsters rather than doing anything constructive. Perfect.

Hump Day Revisited

I've learned (to paraphrase Alice Walker) to live frugally on surprise. Expect nothing. This week has definitely been surprising. I had my 3rd date with Chris last night (we counted dates and ticks), and I guess that's the point when you've figured out whether this person has an active brain in their head, so you start probing a bit to see who's in there. Definitely interesting man lurking behind those eyes. Anyone who can switch from discussing character lines on cars to characters in TNG deserves a closer look.
I remember Elaine on Seinfeld describing dating...you're trying to get this little squirrel to come and eat out of your hand; you don't want to make any big sudden moves and frighten them away. It's been so long since I went out with someone that I feel like I'm winging it. Well, I suppose that's what it's all about. Just be yourself and let the chips fall where they may. Deep breaths. And keep your seatbelt on until you've reached a complete stop.